Novice Poker Effect

Re-post from 1st Dec, 2013

It had been a while since I had been sent out of a classroom… the last time this happened, I think It was in the OOPs lab in 2008. Teachers wouldn’t get offended that easily in UVCE I guess, anyway it was an interesting class of rural marketing and I seemed to be interested, but sadly I was caught fiddling with the phone and making some kinda tattoo on my hand. The teacher took offence at it and pushed me out of the class. But what I was googling about was the Myths involved in Rural Marketing. I’m not gonna bore you with what I found.

Something I remember from class held my attention for a long time. The prof had said ‘One of the biggest myths about rural marketing is that the marketers think that rural buyers don’t ask many questions, in fact they ask more questions than urban buyers, they are smarter than the urban buyer. They sometimes ask questions that seem silly and make you laugh, but we fail to find answers to such questions and that’s what makes rural marketing more challenging.’

Yes, we’ve heard this being said a lot of times. It’s almost a cliche. But something doesn’t fit right, does it? How could rural buyers with less exposure and information about what’s happening be harder to outsmart? Why would they be harder to sell to? Why do they ask harder questions? Why are they tougher to convince? Do they know what we’re trying to do from before? Not really. I like to call it, The Novice Poker Effect.

It happened roughly 2 years ago; out of boredom I decided to teach my cousin how to play poker and tried to play him a little. I couldn’t read him, I couldn’t bluff him, I thought he bluffed when he played simple and I obviously lost. The reason is simple. A novice poker player is not playing you, he is just playing his cards. It’s the same with Rural Marketing, a rural buyer is just playing what’s on his cards, he isn’t bothered about what or why a marketer is trying to sell. 

We could conclude that a rural buyer is not smart; he’s just like a novice poker player. Hard to read, hard to pick up trends and hard to know what he wants. It’s this Novice Poker Effect that makes us think a rural buyer is smart. If we understand that the rural buyer just looks at things from his side and doesn’t try anything fancy against him, we would succeed. 

So to round it up, learn to play poker with a kid, maybe you’ll excel in rural marketing.

~*~

Original Post – Novice Poker Effect

AES Outbreak – Indian Outburst

As of 26th June, the death toll has crossed 140 and the total number of reported cases in Muzaffarpur has crossed 600. As the death toll mounts and children continue to die, we still find ourselves at square one. We don’t know what is causing these infections, we don’t know what type of AES it is, we have no clue of when it might stop, and we most certainly have no answers from the government at the state or at the center.

The district of Muzaffarpur has been at the receiving end of these outbreaks since 1995. There have been multiple commissions and research benches trying to get to the bottom of this, but none of them have turned up with usable knowledge. This form of encephalitis happens every year in Bihar, in 2014, as many as 355 lives were lost due to this disease. Although we have not yet identified the cause of this outbreak which has now become a periodic activity, the number of fatalities had started reducing post 2014 due to health awareness programs initiated by the government. Why then has it gone so bad this year?

2013 2014 2015 2016 2017 2018
143 355 11 4 11 7

While the news first broke in the first week June, well, let’s be honest, there was hardly any news coverage since it was election season, even so, there was no clue of it escalating so fast. Soon the fever rose – quite literally, and everyone was talking about what’s happening in Muzaffarpur and why so many children are dying.

While the usual question arose of why this is happening, doctors and researchers started looking for answers that was already at hand – some started by saying AES is a very broad term and can mean too many things, ‘we need more information’, they attributed it to the weather – hot and humid weather conditions, and then the fact that most of the patients are malnourished children from poverty ridden families, and the most atrocious argument – litchi.

ICU of a Public Healthcare facility

Our researchers blamed a fruit. That’s right. Apparently raw litchi has chemicals called Hypoglycin-A or MCPG which can cause hypoglycemic conditions that in turn triggers the symptoms of AES. The argument made sense first as we were dealing with the litchi bowl of India and poor families who might resort to eating litchis due to the lack of availability of a proper meal. As time passed and sanity descended, this argument was termed atrocious because quite a large number of children were too young to eat litchis and the fact that the litchi season was already over – which leaves the weather, malnutrition and the living conditions as the possible causes.

But do we really need to care about the cause? Doctors would know that many times we can’t really isolate the problem, but we go about having a general idea of the problem and the various measures we take helps solve the problem without us having put a finger on it. Would it be too much to ask to forget about the cause and concentrate on the treatment?

This brings us to another problem. How to treat and Whom to treat? The two medical facilities in the district are brimming with patients. One bed has 2 children lying on it, and the floors of the ICU’s are occupied by patients. One simple course of treatment is just hooking up the patient on glucose – for this, the poorly equipped hospital is struggling to make ends meet. There are not enough IV sets, not enough glucose, not enough staff to administer the treatments. Who is to blame here? I’m not looking for someone or a reason to place blame, but this needs to stop.

In the days that followed, the Indian politicians were barely questioned, though the CM or Bihar and the health minister visited the district, there was no respite. Poor children kept pouring into the facilities, and the facilities just had no facilities! The doctors were pulling in 18-20 hour shifts and yet there was no respite. The mainstream media conveniently forgot to question the politicians, the medical officer – who in his own words had been transferred just 2 months back pointed the finger to the lack of awareness programs. He said, we know this happens, but we don’t know why it’s happening, only way to stop this is by creating awareness and raise the general standard of sanitation and living. He also pointed out that due to the election, the health awareness programs were not run as efficiently as they were run in the previous years – this is truly disturbing.

Speaking of the media, it sunk to a new low when anchors kept parading into the ICU of the SKMCH with cameras and other media equipment and started heckling and bellowing at the top of their voices over the doctors. One journalist even went so far as to ask a doctor “how many children died today” is she being a hero by asking pointed questions? Where is this grit and candor when it comes to asking questions to the politicians? The role of media in this whole charade has been appalling.

The fever like all fevers will run its course, it will just leave a bad memory and a number behind.  Is this what we want? Have we as a society become so used not caring? Should no one be brought to book? Well actually no, there has been a suspension of a poor lowly doctor for negligence. Really? Just days ago, we were talking about and going gaga over how badly doctors are treated and practically everyone was one with the IMC for calling an all India doctor’s strike, and suddenly doctors are the villains?

Media Reaction

There is no easy fix to this problem, we don’t have a cause, and hence we need to live with the reality that this AES has become a recurring yearly ordeal. We can only reduce the intensity by employing preventive measures like awareness programs, government nutrition programs, capacity management at health care facilities and some basic level of accountability in each of us as politicians, or media or the general public. But as we learn to live with this problem, let us not misdirect our anger and frustration at the doctors or the weather or a fruit.

~*~

Part 3: Jaisalmer – The Town

Jaisalmer is called the golden City. Just like Jaipur is called the pink city and Jodhpur called the blue city. The names come from the general colour theme of the city. Here in Jaisalmer, most houses are painted gold, in fact it’s not paint, it’s the colour of the stones used in construction. On our list of things to see, we had the Jaisalmer fort and the Gadisar lake. Our list was mostly curated from online research and you can probably guess that things didn’t go per plan.

Jaisalmer Fort

We set off from our desert camp after breakfast and reached the Jaisalmer fort in half an hour. There is no special place for parking, so we parked on the street against the wall of the fort. As soon as we parked and started walking towards the fort we were hounded by guides and auto drivers who wanted us to show around. As the natural response we shoo-ed them off and started walking in a general direction towards the fort. Soon after, we gave it a little thought and decided to hire a guide – and it really did pay off.

Jaisalmer Markets

The guide, like most guides spoke many languages including ours. He walked at a brisk pace and simultaneously spoke of the history of the fort. The Jaisalmer fort is the only living fort, meaning there are people who live in the fort. About 3000 families reside inside the fort, since the fort was actually a garrison of a king, the aids and support staff of the king also lived inside the fort. As generations passed, the property was passed down, and even after all royal families lost their property to the union of India, the servants of the king still retained their properties within the fort. Today, these homes sport small stores and cafes. The cafes, handicrafts, leather bags and boots, souvenir shops and numerous clothing stores all have a hippy vibe around it.

The Live Fort

The guide  showed us a tall building which was supposed to be the seat of the king. For some unexplained reason, this building was out of bounds for tourists. He then took us to two temples. First the Lakshinath temple, which was a Hindu temple. It was bustling with tourists, but like any Hindu temple, yet the priest managed to give every visitor the holy water and an orange-red tika on the forehead – and tried to subtly ask for donations. Moving on we were taken to the more famous Jain temple within the fort, the Chandraprabhu Jain temple dedicated to Sambhavanatha – the third Jain tirthankara. Though the King was a Hindu Rajput, he had sanctioned to build this Jain temple as a major section of his subjects were Jains. Mobiles phones are not allowed in this temple, hence some of us waited outside while one party went inside with the guide. This temple was a little quieter, but was just as crowded. The guide went on to tell us about the history of how the temple came into being – which we conveniently let fly past our heads and we were immersed in the beautiful yellow and white stoned architecture. We did pick up on his theory of how to identify the different idols based on the animal inscription at the base of the idol.

Chandraprabhu Jain temple

Post the temple visits we took a small break to appreciate the different souvenir shops and indulged in buying a few fridge magnets – our guide suddenly got protective of us and told us not to buy anything as these were the markets for the “foreigners” and he would take us to a trusted shop which had legit merchandise all made by widowed and estranged women. Perhaps he had a cut?

The last stop in the fort is a high view point on the wall of the fort. It has a view of the town beneath it and has an old canon on display. Like everyone else, we took photos, many photos, and then reluctantly moved on as there were more people wanting to take photos. The view point also had a few home-turned cafes with some elegant rustic furniture – we could’ve ventured into some of those – at least to get good color graded photos – but we moved on as we still had to see the Patwao ki Haveli, do shopping, have lunch and all this in 2 hours – impossible. We were in Jai-sal-mer!

The Patwao ki Haveli has an interesting story behind it. Apparently the Patwas were a normal struggling trader family trying to set up business in the city. The priest at the Jain temple in the fort had prophesied that the Patwas would be more successful if they left Jaisalmer. So the family left the town and in time became one of the biggest and richest names in the province. They set up many businesses including fabrics, finance, opium and precious stones. They made a fortune and after some time made a come back into the city. The father partitioned his wealth among his 5 sons who set up their own mansions each facing the fort. As fate would have it, their fortunes turned again and they starting losing money and market. Fearing the generation old prophecy, the family fled the town a second time leaving the mansions in the name of the town. Today the mansion has been turned into a museum and is open to public. A nominal fee of 15 rupees is charged for the ticket. Cameras and phones are allowed inside at no extra charge

A tricycle used by the children of the Patwas

Finally, it was time for shopping. We were literally salivating at when we would get to shop. The fort and the places around it are literally brimming with things one can buy. With simple tourist merchandised t-shirts to designer hand made fabrics, bed sheets and table cloths to ancient looking antique metals and porcelain articles. The leather articles were also really attractive. Orange-brown leather bags, satchels, wallets, shoes and sandals were all really tempting. Not all leather articles are camel leather as they also sold goat leather bags – which also looked orange in color and were just as stylish. We shops for cloths – mostly for friends and family. Some of us indulged in buying the holy looking(read hippy) cloths that foreigners buy to feel Indian. Some of the sarees are so silky and light that they could be packed into a small soap box – of course they are also very expensive.

Camel and Goat Leather

We said our goodbyes to the guide and paid him his due – which felt really easy as he had told us a lot of stuff and we really enjoyed his knowledge and company. The guides here are government certified and sport a badge that has a seal and an ID. He charged us just 500 rupees for spending almost 3 hours with us. We took an auto back to the fort entrance where we had parked our cars. A North Indian vegetarian lunch wqs followed by the long ride to Jodhpur in the dark.

Next up – Part 4: Jodhpur – The Blue City

Also Read
Part 2: Jaisalmer – The Desert
Part 1: Rajasthan – The Land

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Part 2: Jaisalmer – The Desert

Jaisalmer has to be right up there! one of the most beautiful experiences in India. The dunes, the vastness of the desert, the chilly night and the beautiful buzzing fort of Jaisalmer all of this is a package to experience once before you die.

Our tour started in an early morning flight to Ahmedabad. The flight took less than 3 hours to reach Ahmedabad, just before sun rise. Since it was January, the early morning was cold, we had to wait for the rentals for an hour or so at the airport and since it was our first brush with hiring rentals, we were extra cautious, making sure the agent knew the bents and scratches on the car.

We had 2 good-looking hybrid SUVs to ourselves for the next 5 days to drive through the great Thar desert of India. Our first drive was the longest – from Ahmedabad to Jaisalmer. This was about 600 Km and google said it would take us 9 hours to get there. We strapped in started by 7 AM as the early morning Gujaratis came out for their morning routines. Ahmedabad is beautiful, the main roads are big and wide, there is a separate bus lane in the center of the road and the autos here also are green and yellow. They have a very different meter – like a water usage meter. it looked like it needed some manual winding and showed distance/fare in digits, not sure how the driver read it, but we couldn’t figure it out.

https://youtu.be/J5yHbeirZMM

We drove two hours on the route showed by google before we started feeling hungry. We stopped at a small town on the way called Mehsana at a road site cafe that was surprisingly so well decorated that it could pass off for a quint cafe in one of the bigger cities. We had refreshing Poha and tea there and pressed on. Of course, there was dosa also available and some of us did indulge in the Gujarati take on dosa – not bad at all.

The roads were wonderful, but it was clear to us that we were in the dry lands. There was no sand, but large areas of barren hard brown ground passed us. If you are not from this part of the country, you are generally used to seeing agricultural lands or forest run past your window – not here in Gujarat – Rajasthan. By 2 PM we crossed into Rajasthan, paid the state toll for our rentals and moved on. Rajasthan initially was similar, except the change in the script of the sign boards and ads. More turban clad people and more desert vegetation. The first sighting of a Peacock crossing the road had us excited but then sighting Camels and Peacocks became common.

https://youtu.be/rMi2MCyAwNA

We also saw Army equipments being transported on the route – which again got us excited.

Without further breaks we entered the city of Jaisalmer. Like any tourist spot in was buzzing with vehicles and petty shops. Our accommodation – the Winds Desert Camp was about 30 Km out of the town and into the desert. It was already dark and well past 8. Some of us were starting to get scared of the vastness of the void. Every sign board seemed like a ghost until we started seeing huge white creatures that were sure to be ghosts – luckily they were the wind mills – wind energy producing turbines along which they had built out desert camp.

The Desert camp is a place in the middle of the desert, and your room is a tent – made of fabric and the bathroom is just another partition in the fabric. The tents though not sound proof had all conceivable amenities – lights, fans, furniture, porcelain and brass bathroom fittings, numerous plug points and what seemed like a heater/cooler. And not to mention clean sheets and blankets along with hard wood flooring.

We were welcomed to the open air theater where they had organised a performance by native folk artists who sang songs and performed native folk dance forms to entertain the guests. There were a couple more groups with us. The show was good, including the servings of assorted starters and a mini bar that served hard liquor. After the outdoor entertainment performance in the bitter cold of the desert we were ushered to the indoor dining room for dinner. We ate well – there was standard north Indian veg spread along with the native daal bati. We had a scrumptious dinner and planned for the next morning. The camel safari and the safari on the dunes was included in our hotel package so we just confirmed our numbers and the time to start – it was going be an open jeep.

The morning was chilly, the jeep driver, like all drivers was complaining we would miss things if we didn’t leave soon. He was right, the sun rise wasn’t going to wait for us was it? We hopped into the Jeep and he tore into the desert. We clung to each other as music blasted from the speakers and freezing cold desert winds were blowing our heads off. When we went off road we saw the awesomeness of desert dune riding. The jeep fell and sank into the sand as the driver kept on accelerating. It was like riding a boat, one side you’re going up and on the other the jeep is sinking in the sand. He brought us to the sun rise view point and complained a little. We saw the desert sun, massaged to heat ourselves and took the many photos.

Just when we had begun relaxing, the driver barked at us to get on the jeep. We still had the camel ride. We got on, sailed through the ups and downs of a couple more dunes before we were brought back onto level ground. That’s where the camels came out. They were beautifully decorated and were buck toothed. They didn’t stink as much as they are generally known to stink in pop culture. Two people were made to sit on a camel and once all of us had found a seat, the man – one single man leading 4 camels made a sounds with his mouth and the camels rose. The first time a camel rises is no short of an experience on a roller coaster. The camel stands its hind legs first while standing up, hence the unexpected and sudden rise from the back feels surreal. Once it starts walking – in its camel like wonky walk, you start to feel like you are constantly being thrust forwards. If you don’t find a comfortable posture then the ride is going to be a nightmare. We rode the camels for 10 minutes before we stopped for some photos, another 10 minute ride and we were in the middle of nowhere, its where he asked us to get down and take as many photos as we wanted. We did. On our way back many more camel men came and offered us to make camels race – none of us were interested – either we were scared of the menacing visuals of a running camel or had had enough of the camels – city dwellers right?

Our ride was waiting for us as we made our way back to the starting point of the camel joint. It was around 8:30 AM, some of us had a cup of chai while shivering in the bitter morning chills. We got back to the camp, washed ourselves up and got down to the complimentary breakfast. It was an all vegetarian spread with omelettes made available on demand. Along with the side, there was a special green veggie called desert beans, this was supposed to a specialty of Jaisalmer – it was a little less succulent, but was longer.

We paid up, and said our goodbyes – we had a tight day ahead of us – see Jaisamler fort, shop, have lunch and leave for Jodhpur which was going to be a 6 hour drive. Target time – 2 PM. Time we actually left 4 PM.

Next up:
Part 3: Jaisalmer – The Town

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Part 1: Rajasthan the Land

Rajasthan is the largest Indian state by land area and the seventh largest by population. It is the state of princely kingdoms in the great Thar desert of the Indian subcontinent. Rajasthan is an ancient land dating back to days of the Indus Valley civilization. As time rolled on, the region’s history has interwoven with the colorful history of India. The current shape and dimensions of the state are an effect of the States Re-organisation Act, 1956, but it took a lot, I mean a lot of work to get there. In fact, it is said the unification of Rajasthan happened in 7 stages, and 18 kingdoms together united to form the state as we see now.

The biggest cities that we identify with Rajasthan today are remnants of their respective kingdoms or princely states. Each of these big cities have their own culture, architecture, people and lifestyle – and they are beautiful. Huge forts and palaces, beautiful silent lakes and the all engulfing golden sand of the desert – makes anyone want to see this land once in their life. We were no different. ‘We’ are a group of friends who grew up together – some from preschool and some from college – but the friendship is strong and so is the desire to travel and experience the beauty of this diverse land called India.

Mehrangarh Fort

The plan was simple, – scratch that, there are no simple plans. For starters Rajasthan is a huge place and practically every district has a fort or a palace and a beautiful story to tell. How do we pick and choose in our 5 – day long trip? We broke our heads for hours, weekend poker nights ruined in the name of planning, hotels booked, and then cancelled, native Rajasthan friends and contacts pestered and then negated. All this and finally came up with something that was so tight that there were no time for sleep – at least not for the drivers. Come to think of it, we don’t regret it now – so Ill take you through our plans and other things that you can plan based on your time and convenience.

The Thar Desert

Modern day travel has become a lot easier with the availability of internet and capital. I remember the tours we took as a family, we looked for budget accommodations or religious institutions to stay in, read up on the bus and train facilities and always carried a map. Today we still carry maps, just that we aren’t as worried about finding budget hotels or dependent on public transport. We wanted freedom – freedom to accommodate our lazy ass attitudes – hence we decided the best way forward was hiring rental cars and find our own way using google maps.

Plan A

Plan A

Jaipur is the capital and the biggest city in Rajasthan. Naturally most trips start or end at Jaipur. Since we lived quite far from Rajasthan, travelling by air made most sense. We would fly to Jaipur, hire the rental cars, travel around Rajasthan and fly back from Jaipur – only that it didn’t feel right. This plan meant we would have to pass through both Jaipur and Ajmer twice – and we were not in favor of that. Like all middle class Indians we wanted to maximize our travel. Also this plan didn’t work out well because we had only 4 nights and 5 days.

Tigers at Ranthambore

Before going to the plan that we went with, lets take a look at the places in Rajasthan that are worth the visit.

  1. Jaipur – The Pink city: Palaces, forts, museums and the Hawa Mahal
  2. Jodhpur – The Blue city: Palaces and Forts
  3. Jaisalmer – The Golden city: Dunes of the Desert, Patwa haveli, the living Fort
  4. Ajmer – Darga of Khawaja Gharib Nawaz
  5. Udaipur – The White City: Palaces, Forts, Lakes, zip line, lake palace
  6. Pushkar – Temples, ponds, and other places of religious interest
  7. Chittorgarh – Asia’s largest fort, other palaces and forts
  8. Bhilwara – Forts, palaces and religious places of interest
  9. Mt Abu – Hill station in the desert, lakes, view points and temples
  10. Ranthambore National Park – Tiger reserve, animal safari
  11. Bhangarh – Historical ruins, haunted places

The above list is just a ‘top of the head’ categorical mentioning and each of them have so much more to offer. There are other places like Bikaner, Kota, Barmer, Pali, Baltora etc etc that have their own unique architecture and cultural offering for the enthusiastic traveler, but time and money are generally the determinants of how well the middle class travels.

Money

Its not The most important thing in a trip, but money is money, so we wanted to plan this trip at an affordable rate – that is at a max of 20% of the average monthly salary of the group. This needs to include the food, lodging, travel, fuel, shopping and any maintenance we would come across. It is during this discussion on Money that we found Jaipur may not be the best place to start our tip. Ahmadabad, which is the capital city of the neighboring state of Gujarat is a bigger city and offers lucrative deals on flights and rental cars. As per our calculations, it would cost us 2000 rupees less per person – a grand total of 16,000 lesser than the plan starting from Jaipur. Even with the state toll to pay and recalculated distance, we would save a cool 12,000 rupees. Hard to overlook such a delicious discount – hence we reworked our plan.

Plan B

With the new Plan, we had to drive a little longer, but we cut lose a few places on the Plan A. We voted for the following:

  1. Jaisalmer – obvious choice because its the only place that’s right in the middle of the desert and offers camel rides and dune safaris.
  2. Jodhpur – the place has the most famous fort – the Mehrangarh, other associated architecture and a famous Umaid bhawan Palace and a minor point that my cousin served at the Airforce Station in Jodhpur.
  3. Ajmer – the famous Khwaja Garib Nawaz darga that we really wanted to visit
  4. Jaipur – because, well its the capital of Rajasthan and has some of the most famous forts and palaces, including the Hawa mahal
  5. Udaipur – the coolest of all the desert kingdoms, the land of the lakes and palaces, and its just a 5 hour drive to Ahmedabad.
  6. Since we were flying to and from Ahmedabad we also wanted to see a few places in the city – this didn’t happen.

We saved a lot of money by changing the Start and End point from Jaipur to Ahmedabad. We could’ve saved a bit more if the rentals could be hired at Ahmedabad and signed off at Jaipur. Maybe it wasn’t available in 2018 and the times have changed now.

Below is a short video of the trip. We plan to cover all of this on the blog. Enjoy!


Next up:
Part 2: Jaisalmer – The Desert

Negative Affirmations

Affirmations are positive thoughts and self confidence boosting coping mechanisms. In the second half of the 20th century many a motivational speaker made his buck using this technique. Spiritual gurus and wellness practitioners also preached about affirmations.

I am a good blogger

People want to read my blog

I will motivate people

Sorry for the tasteless examples, but this is how positive affirmations look like. If you were a pre teen in the 90s you would remember the episode of the power puff girls where Buttercup starts to think she’s a good crime fighter because of her green blanket which she uses to practice her affirmations – end of the episode showed she was a good crime fighter with or without the affirmations.

Now let’s not get into a debate on whether affirmations are real or have any real effect on us. This post is about something grey called Negative Affirmations. What does it mean?

Negative affirmation isn’t really a word – atleast not yet. We haven’t recognized and labelled it as we so love to do these days, but all of us have seen, experienced and practiced this. The simplest and most common example of this is I told you so.

I told you so

What is this sadistic line that we love so much? Most of us are waiting for our turn to say I told you so. We relish it, the feel of rubbing it in. Why do we do this?

Let’s take a simple example to visualize it. When I got back from the hospital after I was sick for a couple of days, I wanted to go straight up to my room. But my aunt wanted me sit in the living room for a while and then go up. I didn’t listen to her and went up. Naturally I was a little exhausted and started coughing vigorously. Her first reaction – I told you so. I couldn’t react, I knew I was wrong but I couldn’t say anything. I just lay on the bed breathing deeply.

Would she leave it at that? Noooo. She kept saying it again and again you should’ve stayed down, I told you you should’ve. See what happened.

I didn’t know what to say. Actually I didn’t say anything. Did she want me to say sorry? Did she just want to hear me say yes you were right?

It happens many times in our lives, when someone makes a mistake, we hold no restraint in letting them know they’ve made a mistake. In cases like our example the mistake cannot be undone, I couldn’t go down and sit in the living room to please her could I?

Her constant harping of my mistake doesn’t help make the situation any better, the only thing it does is make me feel worse. Is that what she wanted?

Many times when people do this – pull the I told you so for too long, I ask them, what are you trying to do? Make me feel worse for longer? Their response is: no but if I don’t say it you will repeat the mistakes. It’s more of a rationalization on their part – they have no way of knowing I will repeat the mistake.

Long back I had read in a Paulo Coelho book that our words are generally meant to convince ourselves more than it is to convince others. So in I told you so perhaps the Negative Affirm-er is trying to convince himself that he has it in him to know or do the right thing?

And who are these people who say I told you so? The ones that can’t actually get their word out in the first place and hence wait to say I told you so? OK maybe that’s a little harsh but the point is, Negative Affirmations – saying I told you so, or harping about the mistakes that can’t be undone are completely unnecessary and the people who do that you are actually trying to prove to themselves that their worth something and doesn’t really have to do much with you.

There’s no need to harbor any prejudice, they are not sadists who want to point out your mistakes. They’re just trying to get better, strangely using Negative Affirmations on you.

Its sad, talk to them about this.

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